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Marsha Warner Books & Biography


Marsha Warner was born in the small Himalayan town that only appears every seven years and then disappears back into the morning mist. At the age of ten, she became famous for her lion-wrestling exploits. At seventeen, she became the first person to ascend Mount Everest on one foot. By thirty she had her first million from her lucrative career of appearing uncredited in thousands of films. By forty she had perfected her time machine, but unfortunately, in her attempt to go back to 1941 and kill Hitler, she got stuck in a traffic jam of other history enthusiasts and adventurers trying to go back in time and kill Hitler and was forced to return to the present for lack of fuel. She instead focused her efforts on creating the series of tubes and wires known today as the Internet, using a lot of rubber tubing and wiring she got from RadioShack despite them refusing to ever have a sale. She used the last bits of time machine fuel (which is made from dilithium crystals) to track back to make sure she was twenty-eight when this book was published, or twenty-nine if there were delays in the production until August 2010. Warner lives in New York City, where she has the popular job of walking around the city in an ill-fitting suit. So far she has avoided getting murdered or stumbling upon a murdered body. As watching three episodes of Law & Order will tell you, pretty much everyone in New York City is either murdered or stumbles upon a murdered body. She has considerable faith in her audience for being both mature enough for this subject matter and for getting most of the references above. She does not own any cats.

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